lament XIII

You give and take away
My heart will always say
Don't bless me I'm a fool
Take away the freezing in my veins.

I am but a sinner
And I can't see past my sin.
You say "ask when you pray
and it shall be granted this day"
But your will oh God, has the final say!
You brought into my life your desire,
But you ripped out from my heart a love's fire!
And what transpires is, oh God, is a loss.
How can I be what you need
When I'm blind and can't see
For all I know is that I disappoint you time and time again.
I have become my own enemy.
I turn myself away from you.
I disregard the knowledge that I share a divine power in you.
I seek, but not to be sought.
I run, but I run to nothing.
I pray, but I am but a wave.
I sing, but I am a clanging symbol.
Unless you see it otherwise, oh God,
I fear more than love;
my love is for fear.
Show to me my empty tomb
That I might spring forth to life.
You are my God
I am your child
You need me to seek you -
I need you to encourage me;
To display your kindness;
To show your power;
To manifest your love.

Oh God, I am but sheep,
Gone out to pasture,
Gone out too far,
I feel lost for sure.
Amen.