As All Is Lost . . .

So slowly it slipped through my fingers
And all I could do was watch
Unfortunately it's what I wanted
Now my hope is lowered another notch.
I still didn't want this to happen
But all seems to have slipped away
So I'm broken and squandered unwanting
I think night is breaking in on my day.
Really, what is there to try for?
Yes, divine sovereignty has its place.
But if that's all there is, and I don't know what is,
What is the quality of the throne of grace?
I'm so disturbed at the desires of self
But I find fulfillment in no other thought
Still I know I'm a new creation
But I know I can't be who I am not.
Oh God, how I need your help
Impliment more than my mind!
I can't be left on my own, for myself I disown
-I am part of the totally depraved Mankind.
. . . I can't be who I'm not.

I long for rest

...shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev— to be a kind of man
...She shall look on him with forgiveness, and everybody will forgive and love. He will be loved.
...So everything's OK, right?
...Can—can we rest now? ...can we rest?

A return to lamentations

Salvation is not one sided but two
Salvation is not what we think
Salvation only bears its quality
When of the fruit of our cross we do drink.
The Lord blesses and takes away
But I know that is based on me
Whether or not I am obedient
Bears the consequence of whether or not I am free.
How dare I speak of Mercy
When I think of reconcilation
Because I still I know that I bear myself in mind
And not of what it means to obtain true salvation.
The possibility she spoke still reminisces
And I know I snuffed the flame that night
Do I think of her as an expression of God
And hold on to her and no longer fight?
As she has shown hope, oh God show it too
I'm trusting you are opening my eyes
"Hey Steven, here's one more chance,
Feast on obedience and taste no more lies!"
So I wait on her as I wait on the Lord
Knowing who I am is what it takes
To rekindle the spark, to shine light in my dark
And know salvation from my mistakes.