Depth of Truth

Thick fog rolls
Flows
It plays with the moon
It envelopes the unsuspecting victim
....Echoed Screams
....As trees are touched
....For Darkness becomes darker -
....Darkness becomes colder and closer
The Fog speaks moment by moment
Speaks truth - though not by words
But only by what is known
.....Must I fear the mist;
....That which comsumes?
....Will I be blinded, Chilled,
....Lead astray,
....Forgotten?
The Aurora's are seeping away
Still seeping; glowing?
....Birds are hushed, leaves are stilled
....Grass blades bear dew;
....Born and yet not begotten
What is heard,
and all that moves
Is my heart - on beat with the flow of the deepness;
The fog.
....My heart beats - it beats . . . 'lonely'
....If only. If only there was an answer.
Alas, the moon holds it not,
Nor the paint in the sky.
The screams from the beasts only hold questions
And, finally, who I am only philosophizes carnal distortions of truth,
Therefore, it is truth I must enter
.....Now, the fog
....Flows from the mountain tops
....Into the Valley
....Into the woods
I look into the woods,
Just then to step into the woods.
Forever the fog consumes, envelopes - Makes lost;
To be lost - I am lost
.....But I shall find the truth

Grace

I live only through the Grace
That allows me to come before the throne of God.
Not only is it by Grace that I am saved,
But it through that same Grace
That I am called back when I fall away.
It is nothing that I have done on my own
That I have received this Grace,
Therefore, how can I do anything
To cause this Grace to fall short of me.

It is I who cause my own heart to break
It is I call upon Grace, rather than live by it.
I am torn for the fact that my desires remain;
More am I torn that I succumb to them.
Over this,
More do I weep because of God's love.

I proclaim that I do not understand the Grace shown me;
I must therefore proclaim that
I do not understand this same Grace that calls me back
...time and time again.

For I am not like the prodigal son
Who went away but once and then returned.
NO! I have fallen away countless times.
Yet, God gives me what I do not deserve - Grace.

I do not understand Grace, but I know that it is how I am saved.

I know that I have Grace, therefore, how can I sin?

...and this is where Grace has its greatest power;
and I will never fully understand.

A life more than Theology

A tiny leaf, with stem and thorns
attached to the vine and called to conform
yet in my efforts I am tangled and worn
and from this vine I desire to be torn.

A shade of green is the distant blend
with a hint of brown at a closer views end
and accented stretched tears when I don't depend
and from this vine I look to sever my end.

A firm foundation, though I am blown about
Is what keeps me held amidst the winds that shout
and when the storm settles I never feel left without
...left without wondering what has really come about.

I've stayed true to the vine and I perch out in hope
I wait for the storm and call on it's girth
to noose up the stronghold with my self-proclaimed rope
but the vine quickly says - dear leaf, what is your worth?

I am but a leaf, attached to a vine
uncaringly caring over seasons of time
I am but a leaf, but as a leaf I do not shine
because from my birth, I have called nothing mine.

From the vine I extend, but I extend as myself
and the seasons I live are my pain and health
the vine - it supplies - and calls me live
it calls me to feel, to hurt, and to give.

As the leaf I have tried ... to hard to please
that the vine hasn't been given what it needs to receive;
it needs to receive me tattered and torn
it needs to receive me frail and worn.

I need to be real, more than theological
I need to know I feel, and that I am personal
So let me fight for the faith, and conform to your word;
but it will only be done if I let me be me - with feeling and personality - because that is how true life is understood

Meditations

And now, let the weak say I am strong
Let the poor say I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us.
For you, may my weakness make all see
That in my strength I am only weak
Because of what sin has done to me.
A soft lament is now what I bring
But its heaviness burdens my heart
Because my trust in me has pulled me from you.
To my knees in desperate hope I turn
And my head bows as my knowledge burns
Because I know I have taken myself from you.
Lord, I desire our relationship
But is my desire ever truly lived?
I ask, because I feel so alone.
My God, I have finally turned to you with words
As my mouth speaks from a grieving heart
How my words are from your true Spirit.
I have asked and you let me receive
As my asking came from yielding pleas
Oh, Lord this is what you need in me:
To live the life that I claimed to believe.
To meditate in dire distress
To meditate when life's at its best
To meditate when life can't afford
You need me Lord,
To meditate on what we only have of you:
Your Word.